The following is a public service announcement, provided by the Council for Breakfast Yumminess.

For decades, we have been told by the “experts” that the caffeine in coffee was detrimental to our health, that bacon has “too much salt,” whatever that means, and that egg yolk is loaded with cholesterol. What we haven’t been told is that the benefits from these food items far outweigh the potential, supposed harm they do to us. There is a reason why these nutritional secrets have not been revealed before now.

Let’s start with coffee. Yes, it does contain caffeine. But, it’s a special nutient, known as caffeine A*, found only in coffee and tea. And, certain carbonated beverages and energy drinks. You should avoid the other type of caffeine, which is called caffeine B. It raises blood pressure.

Many people assume that the salty taste of bacon is actually an indication that bacon has salt. This couldn’t any more false. It is all a fabrication, created by the anti-bacon lobby. In actuality, it is a result of the secret super-nutrient known as sodium baconite. Many people go for the low sodium variety of bacon. This is a mistake, as sodium baconite contains many of the vitamins and minerals that actually make bacon a beneficial addition to any healthy person’s diet*.

Finally, we need to dispel the rumor that egg yolk is bad. It really isn’t. But, not only that, the yolk of the egg contains the mega-nutrient, yolkasaurus rex. That a working term for the nutrient, because the distinguished gentleman who invented discovered it hasn’t thought up found the (already existing*) name for it, yet.**

The mavens of the breakfast world would have us to believe that a bowl of straw and pebbles with skim water is the only suitable breakfast. Remember, it’s all about money*. They can say there is no conspiracy, because it’s only a conspiracy to those of us who object to it.

*You have my word.

**The author of the preceding announcement is generally far more articulate, but the importance of the message demands that we get the word out now, not after somebody gets around to editing it.

You’re welcome.